I'm going to disclose some information that would be confidential if it weren't ridiculous. My child has been seen by 4 general physicians, 7 psychiatrists, 9 therapists, 3 psychiatric hospitals, 5 different ERs, 3 social workers, 4 counselors, and innumerable nurses. These numbers are likely underestimated since hospital visits spanning weeks surely have rotating staff. In total she has been diagnosed with RAD, ODD, ADHD, Anxiety, Depression, Bipolar, Borderline Personality Disorder, Mood Disorder, PTSD, Schizophrenia and Autism. That's an awful lot of "we don't have a fucking clue."
As a parent you have an obligation to ensure the health and well being of your child. Realistically, although their intention is to help, I really haven't met a professional who's been able to significantly help in any way. In one instance I had a therapist who was honest with me after completing an intensive program she told me two things: 1. It wasn't worth us continuing with her program because the problem was my child had some wiring in her brain get messed up when she was a baby. Group doesn't really help with that, not really. 2. That she thought we were doing a fantastic job, all things considered. I'm not sure I agree with #2, but I was grateful for the boost that week.
I still haul my kid to therapy (she osculates between demanding to go "I can't live without" to refusing to go "I'll jump out of the car on the way there"), to a psychiatrist, and, when we need to, an ER or psychiatric hospital. You have to keep your kid safe, and you have to show schools, social workers, your family and friends that you're trying. My parents still believe in a concept that I gave up on a long time ago. They believe that if we just find the right doctor, therapist, medicine combo that the kid will be "fixed". Sometimes my kid believes this.
Lean into your computer screen real close, because i'm about to get real honest. Sometimes our kids can't be fixed. Sometimes fixing takes decades. That rewiring may have to be done by parents, teachers, aunts, grandparents, coaches, friends and neighbors a hundred times each before it'll really stick. How many of us have that many folks interested in our kid? How many of us can honestly say that many folks stuck around when our kids mental illness exploded in some destructive ugliness?
We know our kids. We know what will trigger them, how to keep them calm, how to temper disappointment and curtail the mania. We know what our kids real Diagnosis is, how to help them, what medicines are likely to work and what aren't. We know what the manipulations are and why they hadthat nightmare tonight. We know why March is always a bad month, why birthdays are bittersweet, and what happens if they do sneak in that 6th cookie. We live our kids every day, no professional can replace that intimate knowledge.
Yes, we should take our kids to the doctors, therapists, and psychiatrists they need. No, we shouldn't always take their treatment and diagnosis as the word of God. No, you shouldn't exhaust yourself running from appointment to appointment. At the end of the day you are your child's best hope of carving out a fruitful and productive life. You're there and in it. If you've got good instincts, trust them. If you can find professionals that are willing to listen to you- keep them. Be wary of ceding too much control and power of your life and your child's to folks whose diagnosis and treatment plans look more like a throw of a dart then a careful examination of your perspective.
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